This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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