I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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