i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
So squirting runs in the family.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
