There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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