YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
