i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
