Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
