I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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