You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
