apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
