i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
this is an emotional support booty call
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
