u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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