I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
