I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
