between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
