I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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