If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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