Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
