At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
