Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
