Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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