so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
