I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i think i just lost a toe
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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