So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
