Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
