Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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