What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
