Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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