And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just want to make out with him forever
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I am one with the molecules
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
