My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
