I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
