chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
