dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
