One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
