but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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