fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
