yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
