The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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