One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
