nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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