Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
