I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
