did you get engaged???
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
