so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
