its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
