I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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