i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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