Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
