you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
