Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
