i just sent this text using only my big toe
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
