she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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