Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
