omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
