Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
