ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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